Miracle Of Cellular Proportions

This was written by a great friend and Miracle Beard believer. Enjoy!

The Christmas Miracle Beard Testimony
I guess it is not too often that you hear a woman speaking to the wonders of a man’s
beard. This woman however has seen the miracle that is the Christmas beard. It really does
work and its power has been revealed in a mighty way to me in a twofold blessing.
The first thing to know that my esteemed colleague and all around best bud, Adam, is
who first introduced, nay, brought about the understanding for this thing called the Christmas
Miracle Beard. Being a woman, I have come to terms with the fact that it has not been my
blessing from God to be able to grow a beard. If I could grow one, I would hope that my meager
offering to God in the way of my facial hair could somehow bring about world piece. Alas, it is
not my place. However, I do have the ability to confer with my husband and gently persuade him
to grow a beard and one at that would honor the Lord in all its manly magnificence.
For some time now however, he has been resistant to my urgings and persuasions and has
maintained that it is in the best interest of his continued employment that he keep it shaved. I
persevered though, hoping that God would honor my wishing to grow a beard and still provide
the miracle. The bible says that a husband is won to the Lord “by the conversation of the wives”.
So I have trusted and waited for something to happen. Tuesday before last, 12/06/2010, God
honored my heart.
Dave, due to his sickness has been unwilling to shave. Not unable…unwilling. In his
haste that day of getting errands done he dropped his phone and no matter where he and my
nephew looked; they were unable to find it. Dave called a couple of the stores that he had gone
to and none had found it. After a couple of days of trying to find it and tearing our house, cars,
and front lawn up, he determined that it was just gone. He decided that he needed to go that day
and go get a new one. That was a Thursday. Friday David came home early from work. He got
out of the car and happened to look down in the snow by the car and noticed something sticking
out of the snow. He dug around it and PULLED OUT HIS CELLPHONE!! It had been buried
in snow for almost 4 days, it was still on and was frozen but it still worked! He brought it inside
and was almost yelling for me to come and take a look at it. I told him to put it in some rice to
dry out any water that might be in there and to leave it there for a couple of days. He did and on
the second day he retrieved the phone, put it back together, and turned it on. It still worked and
seemingly had been untouched by the damp weather and cold snow it had been buried in. On top
of that, previously there were three buttons on the phone that would stick and gave him some
problems from time to time. The three buttons work now with no problems whatsoever.
The second blessing that came from this was that due to the fact that he had bought the
new phone thinking that the other was gone; we were able to give the new phone to Elyza as a
birthday present when he found the old phone.
The point of this story is that I don’t believe that God honors the heart of the woman who
wishes that they could grow a beard and still makes it possible to bring the Christmas Miracles to
her because of her faith in what the growing of the beard stands for. In my case, God made a
way for Dave to become lax about his shaving knowing that this situation would arise to show us
that a man’s strength not only lies in his hair (facial or otherwise) but also in his woman’s ability
to believe in her man’s ability and God given ordinance to grow said hair. God respects facial
hair and he respects those that respect facial hair as well.
Wishing you the Greatest Christmas Miracle Beard,
Kelly Waldrop

America Is Much Colder Without A Beard.

In these time of economic crisis and uncertainty, you need a beard. May political types sit and waste tax payer money trying to stimulate the economy whether in tax hikes or cuts when the answer is growing right on face of every decent lumberjack providing the trees to make the paper that the politicians are wasting. You only need to grow a beard. Case closed, problem solved. Maybe the administration should let go of the earmarks and grab hold of the whiskers and hold on for a heck of a ride as we watch America become the land of opportunity again. Abe had a beard (Chin curtain, but we will forgive that) and look what he did to restructure this country. Abe understood what current patriots do not. You don't need stimulus bills or paperjam legislation. You need to throw that razor in the garbage before Christmas and make America great again.

You are a little late to the party for those that have just this second after reading my stirring appeal, however, sometimes the last one to the party becomes the very thing that gets the cops called. So don't be afraid or discouraged, anything on the face helps. Just grow.

You may be wondering why I chose this picture of Abraham Lincoln. Good question. I chose it because of the guy shooting the gun. What sets him apart from Abe? That mustache. Folks, a mustache alone is a cop out. He was jealous and had stolen Abe's mustache the night before, thus the chin curtain. All revolutionaries must die. But when they do, they become twice as strong. I don't want to call myself a revolutionary, but maybe I am.


Zom

War!

As with any war, there are casualties. Growing a beard is a war of attrition. It isn't easy to get past the itching and the odd looking bald spots and the change in beard hair color. These are the times that you could say we are in the trenches with our hats being shot off. We are scared, frustrated, and just sad. Every year there are casualties, those that can't take it and give up for whatever reason. Here are some common ones.

1. "My wife/girlfriend told me to shave it off, she hates it and doesn't want to kiss me." To that I say grow a pair. You are a man and beards are for men.

2. "I can't grow a decent beard." It isn't about the ability and DNA to grow a great beard, it is about the will and inner strength.

3. "I look stupid with a beard." You look stupid without a beard.

4. "3 months is too long to grow." 3 months is barely enough.

5. "My work won't let me grow one." Tell them the truth that bearded employees increase sales by 73%.


Hang in there, you are gonna like what you have accomplished very soon.


Zom

Growing Pains

Yes, my beard is itching too. So what? Do we quit because the getting there is hard? I say no way, we fight it. We think past the itching and hot burning that comes in the beginning stages of a beard. This is the devil trying to talk you out of it.

It is always dark before the dawn. It gets worse before it gets better. It is a miracle beard. I never said as your leader that it would be easy. Grow. Then grow some more.




Zombie

The New Season Has Begun!

Just a quick word that the new year for the Christmas Miracle Beard has started already. Grow'em if you got'em!

Tom's Finale!

Send in those finale pics folks, this year is coming to a close and we want to kill 2009 with some photos of the damage. enterthegrizzlybear@gmail.com





Z

The CMB Legacy

There is this unique and special thing that a CMB can do that nothing else in this world can. There are some in this life that just have not found a single thing that they are good at. They dream the same dreams of being recognized by their peers, they have the whole throw me up on your shoulders and celebrate desire, but cannot for the life of themselves find a way to make it happen, except they can grow this beard. This is their time to shine. This is their Super Bowl, their gold medal beard. They are the ones that we all want to raise above our heads and celebrate what they have been able to accomplish on their faces.

For others, who cannot grow a good beard, they work harder and wield with pride the uneven, and ratty scratch patches all over their faces. The CMB simply brings people together and makes heroes out of the ordinary people.




Z

Another Christmas Miracle

http://www.storinguptreasures.com/2009/12/our-miracle.html


Read this blog from the wife of one of our own growers.

Beard And Sweater Party

The party is set! We will be holding the party and R.P. McMurphy's in Wyandotte, Mi on December 19th. The party will start at 8 PM. Find your sickest sweater and fluff out that beautiful beard and join us!!!!!!

A lot of people have been worried about the amount of red that is being found growing among the normal hairs in their beards. Do not worry, there is usually trace amounts of ginger in the average beard. It can be compared to the trace amounts of weed inside every cigarette, or the few serial killers among the enormous population. While, some have ginger beards entirely, most do not have to worry about a complete take over.


So mark your calendars and make us your priority. There may even be a celebrity there or two.



Z

How To Survive H1N1

We all know the beard is better. However, this year the beard carries certain risk with it as we battle and will defeat The Swine Flu. This year, unlike any other, we who cloth our faces in glory must be diligent to fight this pandemic and prevent ourselves and our beloved ones from catching this horrible foe. Here is how you can decrease the increased risk for beard growers and your families.

Use soap/shampoo/conditioner when washing your face, and wash twice a day. When you have a wheat curtain dangling from your face, you must remember that we also are carrying a net for bacteria and disease. We have all seen the guy with the disheveled beard that you swear has bugs in it. Don't be that guy. Clean your beard. Take pride in it's beauty. Growing a beard is NOT letting yourself go. It is the opposite.

Use a fine tooth beard comb. This is good for a couple of reasons. 1. It pulls out harmful anthrax crystals if present. 2. Cleans the beard 3. Is very relaxing and feels good to the beard. 4. Helps you quit smoking giving you something to do with your hands. 5. Makes your beard look nice and well kept.

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. If you can't do it for me, do it for the ladies!



Z

Updates

It is about time to start getting those CMB update pics in to show the world your progress. Email them to enterthegrizzlybear@gmail.com




Z

We Are CMB

We sit in cubicles. We lie under cars. We make your doughnuts. We put up with much abuse. We run your companies. We act in your films. We pump your gas. We turn your beds down. We fix your TV. We sell you detergent. We do these things by day, because they are necessary, but when the nighttime comes, we are in our glory. We dine out and see another fellow brother CMBer, we throw them a familial grin and nod with pride. We root for each other in sporting events and elections because it isn't our views that matter anymore, it is our facial hair. It is the wicker blanket that hangs from our chins. It is that wheat sack that shields our faces from the elements. We are a proud people, and we are everywhere.

Let your boss lecture you, humiliate you in front of your co-workers, spit in your face, because we know inside that he is less of a man who bares his skin. So we walk away smiling because the bearded ones always have the last laugh. We always win.

December will be the beard and sweater party. See you there!



Z

We Have A Dream

After much deliberating and much passion poured into this new idea, we have decided to take out a small to large business loan and open what we shall call "Beards." This will be a restaurant located in the middle of the woods. The atmosphere will be what you would expect from a place called beards. We only hire men with beards for one thing, who will be your dedicated wait staff. The tables will be real, live moose that you can sit on and use their antlers as tables to eat off of. The place may smell like crap and meat, but that is a small price to pay. The menu will consist only of fresh meat, the restaurant hunters killed, beer, milk, and raw potatoes. We will however have a salad on the menu, but if you order it, an alarm will be sounded, a cattle horn, and we will come over to you, and rib our beards all over your eyes and nose and then possibly throw you out, that depends on if you have a beard or not.

Our uniforms will be jeans, flannels with thermals optional, a beard (Natural), and a red knit hat. For the bearded birthdays, we will give you the top half of a pair of used overalls to wear as a bib, and you will receive a back massage by a real bearded lady (We will also be advertising her as the freak show). The floor will be carpeted with bear skin rugs and the walls lined with animals we have killed. Your eating utensils will be a fork, a small wood saw (For the meat), and a tiny comb for table beard grooming.

We expect the biggest opening weekend ever and to be able to pay off all loans in the first week. We will keep you posted as things unfold.


Z

What A Quote!

CMB quote of the day:

Andy said...

I actually had a professor tell me yesterday that you can't trust anyone with too close of a shave.....not kidding! haha! Truth of the matter is.....I agree with him! The beard is on the way.....lets save the world!




I agree.


Zom

Orientation and Best In Show

Wanted to give you all some updates on the progress of this years campaign to end world wide waste of razors and aerosol cans through shaving. Below is a picture that will illustrate the different beard genres to give you some ideas on how to grow your beard.




My beard has been progressing nicely this year, getting really nice and thick growth early in the season. One of the downfalls of growing a specific Christmas Miracle Beard is the depression that the beard can cause. This is normal. Because we are achieving miracles here, we have to expect some sacrifice.

Still planning a photo shoot in November or December, if you are interested, shoot me an email.

The movement is really catching on as several celebrities have taken to the commitment of growing a CMB.






Below is this weeks CMB of the week. Notice it's fluffy beauty complimented by this wicker lumberjack flannel. This guy is a hero in this movement and has won CMB's best of show award for 2009!






Zombie
Thegrizzlybear@gmail.com

Full Body Beard

This is not what I would call, "A beard." This is simply a Sasquatch who happens to also have hair on his face. He has it because he is too lazy to shave it off and doing so would require him to shave off the rest of that wheat. See, he misses the point. Part of being a man is being dignified with a dignified Christmas Miracle Beard. If one has made himself repulsive and the ladies run in terror, you have done a bad thing. Beards should be uniting men and women around the world because of their obvious sexiness. This guy looks like he was born in the forest and has let the trees master him, not the other way around. Men were meant to be self-controlled and to have that kind of foliage and skank hanging around, even the nether regions, is a crime against manhood. Sir, if you are reading this, we like you, but please take a weed whacker to that ridiculous body.




Zombie.

A Dream Of Something Better

Posted this on the Facebook group last year of a very special little dream I had concerning a very special little beard.


Last night I had a dream of a beautiful Utopian world. All men were bearded and miracles were happening in front of everyone's eyes. People were back to chopping lumber with an ax and wore flannel shirts and work boots. It was weird. Because I wanted to be there. I was sad to awake and see all of the shaven faces all over my city. People that have no idea there is something better out there for them, something woolen and manly.

Zombie.

Welcome

Welcome to the Christmas Miracle Beard blog site. This is a place where you can post pictures, tips, stories, songs, poems, and anything else related to your beard. The site is here to promote the Christmas Miracle Beard Movement that is sweeping the country by the hundreds or tens. You grow the beard from October to New Years, and miracles WILL happen. Post your pics so we can love on them and enjoy. Beard growers are a family, so feel free to love on everyone!

To send us pictures, stories, anything simply email them to me at enterthegrizzlybear@gmail.com



Zombie. (Your founder and friend)






Grow.
Migrate.